Fatherhood Friday: Advice From 6th Grade

This is part of an ongoing series of community blogging by dads like me. Check out Dad Blogs to join the cool kids.

My oldest child is going into middle school effective next week. She will be a 6th grader. She has been acting “cooler” this summer because that’s how she thinks 6th graders act. She and The Boy will now be on different schedules, she gets her own locker (an honor not given to the “babies” in elementary). No matter how old she gets, she will always be my baby girl. To others, she will simply be known as “Fresh Meat”.

At the middle school orientation, she was given a number items. She was assigned her locker and she received her student handbook. Among other important documents she would need, she was handed a packet called “Advice From 6th Grade”. This packet contains sage wisdom and practical tips from the outgoing 6th graders to the incoming scrubs. Listed below are our favorites:

“Dear new fresh meat,”

  1. Don’t freak out about lockers. TRUST ME. You will get used to them.
  2. Don’t laugh at the corny jokes.
  3. Girls hate it when you try to act cool.
  4. Always laugh at the teachers’corny jokes. YOU HAVE TO!!!
  5. If you don’t stay in school, you’ll be as dumb as a cow.
  6. Don’t be mean to the coach. You will do ‘killers’ which hurts.
  7. Be nice to teachers so that you don’t get swats.
  8. Do random acts of kindness (good one).
  9. Don’t cry when reading “Where The Red Fern Grows”. Bring tissue just in case.
  10. No bad language.
  11. Give the 7th Graders money (then this kid begins to provide a list of “preferred” people including herself).
  12. Just a tip, but if Ms. G. is grumpy,give her some Diet Coke. Ms. G. and Ms. C. can be bribed with Diet Coke.
  13. Do not be scared of the bell. You’ll get used it.
  14. Eye em badd at spellen.
  15. Don’t bring drama into class (we used to say “save the drama for your mama”).
  16. Spike your hair so that you don’t have to cut it.
  17. If you have a cell phone or an ipod, keep it in your locker. Some people like to jack backpacks.
  18. A locker and a bell aren’t that difficult to keep up with.
  19. YOU DON’T NEED A GIRLFRIEND!!!
  20. Never forgit your books (I think he “forgot” how to spell “forget”).
  21. Don’t have a stupid ringtone on your phone. It will ring.
  22. Be really nice to the teachers or you will get infractions or detention. I’ve been there.
  23. Don’t talk when the teachers are looking.
  24. Be careful when you get out of lunch so you don’t get squashed by 8th graders.
  25. Whenever someone says “QUACK”, dance like a chicken. Girls will dig you.
  26. Swats turn your butt red, then it changes colors to blue-purple.
  27. Turn off your phone. It will explode if it rings in class.
  28. If you date people-don’t tell teachers. lol!
  29. Don’t be late to detention.
  30. The 8th graders will bully you. It’s just a fact of life.

These are the musings of soon-to-be 7th graders. The kids giving these insights will be the same ones trying to make my daughter eat mashed potatoes and bananas at lunch.

Beyond the limitations of their 6th grade world, some of these are great pointers for our life as adults. Good advice, you think?

Mr. Man

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