Inside The Mind of a Maniac

 

count-hannibal-lecterHannibal Lecter could have been a rapper.

So much is said about rap music. So much that I don’t have the time to regurgitate it all. However, the people that think that it’s all noise may be missing the forest for the trees.

Not all rap is good rap. I have written in the past about the dangers of some rap music on society, but I do not want to discount the stories that are told in this controversial medium. Stories of the young, urban experience that is told on the street.

Eminem is one of my favorite rappers. This may surprise some of you, but I ask that you don’t judge me. I am fascinated with his music because his dark side is revealed every time he has a new track. He has utterly destroyed his ex-wife and his mother in his music.  He has also fantasized about mass murder and sadistic sex in his songs. He could easily be the love child of Hannibal Lecter.

He also raps about his drug and alcohol addictions, his love for his little girl, Haley, and his desire to be a better dad. He recognizes his weaknesses and failings and does something that most of us would never do; he airs his dirty laundry very publicly in front of an audience of millions. He represents something very real, something that we all pretend does not exist. He shows the world the darker side of humanity. What I recognize in Eminem is the dark struggles that exist in all of us. This is what fascinates me.

In the public forum that this blog represents, I hesitate, stuggle even, with the dark thoughts that sometimes explode in the prison that is my mind. Why? Because I do not want to be judged or ostracized by those that know me. My faith keeps me grounded and focused, but fallen-ness does take control of my thoughts from time to time. Never anything close to what Eminem chooses to rap about, but thoughts that are very real to me. The thing is, folks, I make an unconscious (or very conscious, hell, I don’t pretend to know) decision not to act upon those thoughts. Nothing as deviant as sadism or mass murder, but thoughts that trouble me nonetheless. We all have a darkness within us, but we would never dare let that darkness come to light if we can help it. This darkness comes part and parcel with our humanity.

For you, it may be pornography. Maybe it’s an illicit affair that you wished never happened. Maybe its jealousy or even hatred for someone who has harmed you. If we, dear readers,  collectively, put this dark side into rap lyrics,would it go like this? 

Inside the Mind of a Maniac/Remember that time when you used to sell crack?/or because you hated on that dude because he was black/what is that made you have thoughts like that?

Remember that time you were surfing the net/ and you saw that pretty girl that you couldn’t forget/You prayed to the Lord that you wouldn’t regret/that thing that you did or that guy that you met.

Chorus

Deep inside the Mind of a Maniac/If they only knew, you know you’d see only their backs/the measure of self-control that you realize you lack/Please get me out of the mind of this maniac.

Deep inside the Mind of a Maniac/If they only knew, you know you’d see only their backs/the measure of self-control that you realize you lack/Please get me out of the mind of this maniac.

Verse 2

Don’t wanna think about the time that monkey got a hold/of those sins in your life that you thought you controlled/Staring out into a world that’s freakin’ so cold/For your children’s sake, you hope that He has broken the mold.

Remember that time that you hit your wife/You once thought she was the worst thing in your life/ Now she’s dead and buried and you’re in the pen serving life/ Don’t you even regret ever pulling that knife? 

Chorus

Deep inside the Mind of a Maniac/If they only knew, you know you’d see only their backs/the measure of self-control that you realize you lack/Please get me out of the mind of this maniac.

Deep inside the Mind of a Maniac/If they only knew, you know you’d see only their backs/the measure of self-control that you realize you lack/Please get me out of the mind of this maniac.

Some may think this to be extreme, certainly not what you’re used to reading here. However, we have to be honest with ourselves. While we may not dream of homicide, rape, or torture, we spend a lifetime judging others based on race, class, or orientation. Thoughts are occupied with vengance, jealousy, and for some, something even more deviant. We fight these battles individual. Some people win. Some people lose. Badly. My balance is my faith in Christ. Yours may be faith in something else. However, our nature sometimes takes over and faith does not always lead the day.

The Bible says in Luke 6:41- “”Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

Work to love, not judge. Don’t throw stones unless your prepared to get hit by a boulder yourself.

Mr. Man

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