Santa Clause Is A Gangsta!

Santa Clause Is A Gangsta!



“You’d better watch out. You’d better not cry. You’d better not pout. I’m telling you why. ‘Cause…”

Santa Clause is a Gangsta!

The jolly fat man ain’t who you really think he is. That red suit is his pimp gear.  You know those boots are made of alligator. Along with the cotton ball on his hat, he’s got a multicolored peacock feather.  Santa Clause is comin’ to town.

Old St. Nick with the rosy red-cheeks? A 5th of bourbon will do that to you.

Who else but a real “G” is gonna break into millions of homes in the middle of the night? Last time I checked, I  bought the presents from Walmart and he stole my wallet. Milk and cookies? Please. I had to go grocery shopping on December 26th.

Santa is a Gangsta.


He didn’t want my kids sitting on his lap at the mall. He wanted my wife. When  I called him out on it, he pulled out his nine and dared me to say something. 

Santa is a Gangsta.

That’s not a sleigh landing on your roof. That’s a ‘64 Caddy pulling up with the bass line thumpin’. His elves (that’s what you call them) tried to jack me while they were hangin’ out in front of the pawn shop. “Diamond in the back. Sunroof top. Step on the scene with a gangsta lean. Woo Hooooo!”

“Dopeman, please. Can I have another hit?”

Why do I owe Santa money well into the New Year? ‘Cause he’s a bookie. I better have his jack or he’s gonna put a hurtin’ on me. Never place a bet with a red-suited gangsta.

Santa is a Gangsta.

Mrs. Clause knows he’s a playa, but what is she to do? Those elves lie through their teeth to cover for him. And y’all thought Tiger was “The Mack”. Santa’s got ladies all around the globe. Desperate Housewives. The Housewives of Atlanta. Cougar Town (although a woman would have to be pretty old to be Santa’s cougar). And don’t you dare call him out on it. You might get a backhand with a white fuzzy glove.

Santa is a Gangsta.

Y’all thought Tupac was dead? Nah, he and Elvis are chillin’ at the North Pole 364 days a week.  Thugs livin’ the Thug Life.

Santa is a Gangsta.

“You’d better watch out. You’d better not cry. You’d better not pout. I’m telling you why…”

‘Cause you just might get jacked.

Santa is a Gangsta.

Merry Christmas.

Mr. Man

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