I have probably spent less than 20 hours with my family over the last week (including time spent sleeping) due to work and business obligations. In this time, both of my kids have gotten sick. Bae has come down with a case of the flu despite getting the shot. The Boy followed a few days later (funny thing…he was faking last night and then he really got sick). My wife is handling this like a stud. When I offered to make the two hour drive home to assist, she rebuked and reassured me that she had everything under control. She was concerned about me not getting enough rest (honey-what about your rest).
She is also dealing with drama from her mama. Without getting into the details, her mother is selfish and concerned only with her needs. She is highly educated, but is unwilling to do the things necessary to take care of herself. When her children don’t do exactly what she wants when she wants, she becomes cold and resentful toward them. Of her six children, she has alienated four of them. This is the reason that I am totally unaffected by her. It has prevented me from developing any meaningful relationship with her. However, because she is my wife’s mother, this has been a source of misery and sadness to my wife (and THAT pisses me off). Another story. Another time.
My wife lost her job back in April. A nice paying job doing something that she is good at. A victim of the economy and some bull from the previous job. She has since found another job doing the same work, but it pays a quarter of what she was making before, thus, despite my efforts, has put a strain on us financially. Thank God, we still aren’t struggling, but our savings account is taxed and I’m am looking for a part-time teaching job to bring in more income.
I do all that I can to let my wife know that I love her. I let her know that I have never measured her by the money she made. I’m old school in the sense that I feel that making the money is primarily MY responsibility, but that doesn’t stop her from feeling like she is not contributing enough.
I want her to realize that she is doing more than enough. She is raising my children while I am away making a living. When I am with her, she is loving and nuturing to me. She provides me warmth and affection and keeps me reassured that I am doing what is necessary as I try to do the same for her.
I love this woman. I’m not a perfect man, yet she loves me despite my flaws. As I am constantly trying to lift her spirits, she seeks to do the same for me. Even though she needs it more. She sacrifices nearly to the point of neglect of her own needs even as I implore her to take time for herself.
Men are typically bigger, stronger and more physical than women. However, I firmly believe that women are stronger where it counts: in the heart and soul.
Adi, you are now and forever my queen. I am blessed to have you love me in return. I am not deserving of you, which is why I strive to be all that I can be. So that maybe one day, I can trade the hidden tears for a smile. I read a quote once that says, “One day I dropped a tear into the ocean. The day that I find it will be the day I stop loving you.” That day will never come.
I was a boy when you met me, but you made me “Mr. Man”.