Picture this scenario:
“Have you ever dated a secret jerk? I certainly have. A Secret Jerk is a man who looks like Prince Charming on the outside and is little more than a snake charmer on the inside. My Secret Jerk was ten years older than I, then a mere twenty three, and I was dazzled by all his polished and academic affectations. Dazzled for three long years. (Later, I would realize why he dated a woman ten years his younger, but back then I was too naive to know about such concepts as Adult Male Inferiority Complex). My Secret Jerk wore lots of tweed, listened to Thelonious Monk and though chronically unemployed pretended he was superior to me, the gainfully employed, because he was pursuing a PhD whereas I held a useless B.A.
He also boiled coffee the French way, owned a well-seasoned omelet pan that, God forbid, he never washed, waxed nostalgically about the Sixties and drove old BMWs he worked on himself. His floor-to-ceiling bookshelves were loaded with every wanker male author, from Freud to Mailer to Cheever.
Now, had I been older and wiser, I would have taken one look and headed for the door. But, like I said, I was twenty three and to me this man was unadulterated sophistication. So sophisticated was he, in fact, that I came off as très pedestrian when I burst into tears having discovered a pair of black silk lace underwear (not mine, natch) between his sheets.”
How many of you dated (or married) a jerk, but didn’t know it until it was too late? And when you did, you continued to date him? Ladies, I hate to tell you, but sometimes you bring this on yourselves. Here’s the deal:
When you met him, he was classy and sophisticated. I can’t judge you for falling for the image that he portrayed. However, as time went on, you began to see the little tale-tale signs of his jerk-osity. This is the turning point, so pay close attention:
Did you run like mad or did you convince yourself that he could be changed (haven’t we talk about this before)?
If you didn’t run away, then shame on you. Grown men cannot and will not conform to your idea of Prince Charming. If he isn’t that way when you met him, then he probably wont change into that over time.
I was listening to a comedian this morning. He was saying how any woman he’s with has to understand that if he is with her TODAY, then he is her man for THAT DAY. He said that no other woman will have his attention THAT DAY. If she is going to ask for rent money or drive his car, she’d better do it THAT DAY (his words, not mine). And when he is with another woman THE NEXT DAY, don’t bother talking to him. He went on to close by saying that he gave Female #1 the respect of being devoted to her that day. She should have the same respect for Female #2. The whole bit was generally about being honest about his philandering and lack of commitment. I call it a lesson on the maximization of his swine-ish tendencies.
There are several problems with this, but the biggest problem is the woman who accepts this from anyone. Call it delusional, but love is blind only when you have your eyes closed. Dont empower the jerks by being available. You can’t change him. Only when you are no longer in his life will HE recognize the need to change himself.
This topic may not be applicable to many of you reading this, but to some it may be dead on. If a person sees value and relevance in themselves, jerk recognition comes surely and swiftly.